There aren't many days any more that are just all bad. They are more like to ebb and flow between good and bad. Some light moments, some heavy ones, some tense ones. All par for the course.
Today wasn't much different in that respect. I connected with some kids. I lost some. There were some positive words and some negative ones.
But, I do feel this impending doom. Maybe "doom" is not the word. But I feel like I need to do a better job. My body is tired and I feel spent in ways, but I also feel like I have not been effective at my job as of late. It's seeping into my classroom's feel...it's tone...it's accomplishments. I have a plan for the next 6 weeks, but I need to be better about sticking to it, and to holding myself and my kids accountable to it. I also need to make sure they want to be there.
The Tulsa community welcomed us once again tonight. Us, as in TFA. A corps member's church once again hosted us for dinner, no strings attached. In fact, they passed surveys around of what we might need for our classrooms.
On top of a wonderful home-cooked meal, we also heard from a great speaker. Although he works nationwide, he is a Tulsa native and worked in TPS for many years. His big message was that humans are more successful in positive environments. We all need more love. Love helps us grow, helps us succeed, and knows no boundary.
I know that I can be more loving. And even without saying, some students may feel like I don't appreciate them. But I do. I get frustrated with their tardies and disrespect on occasion, sure. I wish they wouldn't talk back or actively avoid work. But, I love them. I do. I just need to be sure they know I do.
And, maybe once that positivity is rolling, I can foster effectiveness across the board.
And, even if it's not the ultimate answer, at least we are all left with love, right?
On the way home from tonight, my roommate and I listed to John Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane."
There's a line that just won't leave my mind: "Hold on to 16 as long as you can/changes come 'round real soon/make us women and men."
Life has come at me fast post-college. I have to be an adult. With my kids, I am the adult. In moments I am frustrated, I need to remember to be one.
And, life comes at my kids in ways that I cannot imagine. But, they are kids. And when they can't handle school because of life, I need to get them on track. Positively. Lovingly. Make sure that when they are women and men, beyond boys and girls, they are ready. They are powerful. That they can take on the world and its challenges and come out on top.
They all can. And, with a little help, they all will. I need to make sure they get there.
~MJ
“Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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