Á
Tradition, Adventure, and Sentimentality:
the €‹‡blog
I guess this has become a bit of a tradition, one that I would like to keep up. The problem is I didn’t build it up, in my blogs or in my mind, and so this may not be the capstone blog of 2007 that the other end-of-the-year blogs may have been. Who am I kidding? A blog is a blog is a blog…this one just might be longer and more sentimental than the others.
The past two years I focused on finding a theme that really defined the minutes, days, weeks, and months leading up to the December 31st blog. I was amazed by the sense of “the real world” and the intimate connections people make within it in 2005; in 2006, I was more focused on the vast “precipice” of opportunity at my hand, the seemingly endless possibilities in front of me. For 2007, I guess the “word” would be adventure. And sentimentality. But not a sentimental adventure. Before I get lost in the semantics…
The 2007 blog will be as much about 2007 as it is about 2005 and 2006; but of course, the most important discussion will center on 2007. The difference this year is that I was probably a better “blogger” in regard to milestones and even every day happenings, so the review might not take as long. Cheers to internet records.
In 2005, I was locked up in the college transition, the friend transitions, the transitory element of what might have been love. In 2006, I was awestruck by the position I was in, placed by a mix of tenacity and luck. In 2007, I am amazed at where I’ve come, where I’ve been, and know that for all of the guesswork and planning, no amount of speculation can ever light a match to what actually happens. The adventure, if you will.
Looking back at past blogs, I found it funny, not surprising, that I didn’t mention where I would be studying abroad, or where I would be working over the summer. I just mention the possibilities that I needed to jump on. It’s not surprising, because I had no idea in December of 2006 where I would be in June of 2007, much less the following December. I had inklings, but it takes work to actually turn those ideas into acts. It was funny because I have a knack for never knowing quite what’s going on until the very last minute I need to, and even then I’m on shaky ground. One could say that nothing was sure about D.C. until I actually made it to my dorm at American U, that Ireland was a mere dream until I made it past the flight and saw the “Welcome to Cork” sign.
Besides everything working out more splendidly than I ever could have hoped, time was also a nice convenience. In over viewing the year, I spent approximately the first half of the calendar in Colorado, and the second somewhere away from home. Not only for memory’s, but for the sake of this blog, this is very nice, very easy.
In January, I started Winter Quarter at DU. I continued to exercise my broadcasting muscle with a class taught by 9News instructors, and resumed my job at Leader’s Challenge with somewhat of a new team. This is when one of my biggest projects at LC (besides the summer academies, maybe) began, beginning the process of seriously incorporating alumni in the current programs. The schedule worked out well, even with the additional three classes that happened to be something I would call the “toughest combination of classes possible.” Individually, all of the classes were awesome; it was when they appeared together on my schedule that things got complicated. This was obvious by February, where nothing significant occurred other than classwork, homework, work, and the occasional good time with Ashley and the boys. Somewhere in these two months, I found the time to work on my study abroad application. I decided on Ireland sometime in February, after realizing Mongolia and South Africa weren’t possibilities.
The blizzards had hit in December, and it snowed every week on Friday or Saturday for the first six weeks of the year, so I didn’t remember what the ground looked like under the snow and ice pack that never got the chance to melt. This was quite unusual and highly frustrating, especially when walking to class became dangerous sport, and when our broadcasting class maintained a slight tradition of having to push cars out of really deep ruts outside of the mass communication building before class. I remember one occasion where I got completely soaked, didn’t really dry off in class, and walked home like an ice cube; I sat on the heater in the kitchen to thaw.
March is when the class situation nearly drove me mad; juggling the final assignments, the tests, and wrapping up study abroad application details, not to mention the extra work hours. The good news was that I was learning, and LC is always a good place to spend a few extra hours during admissions season. I was wiped out at the end of the quarter, though, confirming that winter freshman year was not just bad luck (or I just have a streak going). I don’t remember doing anything for my birthday, which tends to fall in the midst of the madness, and I had three days off of school stuff before going to Rhode Island for Spring Break with my mom and Rick. It was cold, but a really nice visit, complete with a hotel stay that made the trip for me.
Spring quarter brought more sunshine, less snow, and a better combination of classes. I figured I needed, and really wanted the break, so April began my only three classes. It was my first quarter without the C-SPAN class in a year, which was odd. I still liked my Monday-Wednesday schedule, only about four hours a day, and only a Film Criticism Lab on Tuesday mornings (where we watched movies. Sure, it was 8 AM, but we watched movies. Good movies). I worked with the Daniels Fund somewhere in here to get additional funding for my early start program in Cork, allowing me an extra month and an extra class in Ireland, another step in the process of getting there.
I think it was toward the end of April, or beginning of May, when I firmed up some plans for my internship at C-SPAN. I discarded the other possibility of a D.C. internship, and went a more insider-esque route, finding a good job with my C-SPAN professor. I saw Children of Men for the first time somewhere in there; it was a cloudy, uncomfortable morning in which I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t have anything but the film lab, and I thought that I could skip it and watch the movie later. I asked myself, “What would Holtz do?” (a question that came up more than once this year) and drove my way across campus, unshowered and in a hoodie, for the movie. It was traumatizing. In a really good way.
I walked out into the rain, which was by that time absolutely pouring, and felt compelled to watch it again. I rented it and told myself to do some other class work before watching it, which included a trip, in the rain, to the C-SPAN 2008 bus where I met some marketing people that I talked about the D.C. office with. I ended up with a new shirt and tote bag, a hint of what working at C-SPAN might be like, and trudged through the rain to do more work in my room. I was finally able to watch the movie again, capping off the rainy day with the exact same traumatic feeling I started it off with. This really has no bearing on anything, but is a day that I still remember vividly, mostly because it was so rainy and I found a movie I still love.
May had its nice, warm days, and more really heavy rain. I had study abroad orientation on two different Mondays where I briefly saw people who would be joining me in Cork, and toward the end, the LC office moved to Westminster. I was assigned to phone calls on moving day; after dozens of calls and a parched throat, I got to see the new place, which I immediately fell in love with. It wasn’t the most convenient location for a work-study position, but it was nevertheless a really good place for the company to be.
In May I found out two important details: I was accepted as a Marsico grant recipient, giving me some much needed money for my upcoming, unpaid internship in D.C. It was going to cover my housing, the cheapest I could find. The second detail, which could not coexist with the first, was a scholarship a Cable Center donor had offered to the DU student working at C-SPAN that summer, as long as the internship included work on the class that I had participated in. It was twice as much money, split into two stipends, and although I was highly confused and concerned at first about the details, I accepted it happily, and wrote in to reject the other grant. That was something I never thought would happen, and what became an incredibly helpful, and lucky step in the process.
June simultaneously ended my second year of college, my job (at the time) at Leader’s Challenge, and began my big adventures away from home. It was especially hard to leave LC, especially after a successful Final Challenge Celebration in May, a new start with a new CEO, and a good start to the alumni board. The good news the promise of a position upon my return, a continuing role on the alumni board, and Rande beginning her internship in the LC office. Knowing that everything was ok, the transition was easier to deal with, and my excitement for D.C. skyrocketed.
The details of the two months in D.C. are in my ongoing blog, and don’t need to be intricately retraced here. Needless to say, June was about transitioning, living in a new city, adjusting to the new job, and figuring my way around life in a bustling, political atmosphere. I made it around my favorite American sights, to a controversial movie premiere, and onto the grounds of the White House, all the while meeting some great people. July was more of this, but included a much-needed and amazing visit from Rande, as well as one from my cousin Justin; a more special trip to the White House, adventures in the Senate, time in the C-SPAN gym, in the studio, and around the District and AU with a boy. I blogged a lot less because I was more busy or more distracted, both of which were telling of my newly accepted life in D.C. Just as I was settling, though, I had to say goodbye to friends and head back to Denver.
It was nice to come home for those two short weeks in August, if only to see it and spend time with friends and family. I went camping almost immediately with Sam and Rande, my first excursion like that in ages. It was more than special, and the following days were filled with movies, Starbucks runs, some interim work at LC, and an awesome Bon Voyage bash with lots of people I enjoyed seeing. August 20 was the big day…Rande took a break from work and came over for my last half-hour at home before going to the airport, and my grandma and my mom saw me off at DIA. I embarked on my first international flight on that shaky ground, not really certain of what was to come.
The proceeding adventures, from the flight to the living, the tripping, and schooling, are chronicled in the blog. I think I kept it up quite nicely, but to summate:
August was about meeting new people, all of whom were in my position; new country, new apartment, new need for friends and familiar faces. I started my early class, a program I was very thankful to have signed up for, as it was the perfect introduction to an amazing country, and great way to meet people and settle. September continued the class, and exciting trips with my new friends around Ireland, often piggy-backing off of early start suggestions and/or field trips. We also spent quite a bit of time in pubs, exploring, learning, and celebrating. October began the official term at the University College Cork, where I met many more Irish people and settled in as much as possible in a new collegiate system. Although confusing, I made it work, and October became more about the social scene than anything else. November involved bigger trips and less partying, more papers and tests than pubs. Sam came for Thanksgiving, which was a welcome relief to all of the newness. December began the wind-down, the writing of about 20,000 words to satisfy course requirements, the last visits to my favorite pub and sights in Cork, and one final hurrah in Italy before leaving Europe.
Writing it so briefly makes it feel quicker, smaller, while simultaneously making me sit back and realize just how big it all was. The months cover the adventures, but this blog confirms me as a hopelessly sentimental person.
In September, I had this rush of a feeling that D.C. was nothing but a really good dream. It was fulfilling but nevertheless over, never quite achievable again. I wrote in my journal one night that it seemed like “one of those vivid, reality-based fantasies that you crave to remember in the morning.” I concluded it wasn’t a fantasy though and that “I have the pictures to prove it.” This is where my sentimentality about my adventures up to that point really launched.
The only thing that is appropriate right now, as I struggle to articulate what wells in my sentimental nature and what I know will be even harder for anyone else to understand, is something I wrote later in that journal entry:
Six years ago, the U.S. was experiencing the aftermath of Tuesday, September 11. I passed the anniversary without notice in a country lacking American flags and sentimental patriotism. Nevertheless, it afforded me a moment to realize how great my world has changed in six years. As a freshman in high school, I had my share of dreams, but I never thought of what I’ve been since graduation. University of Denver. 9News. C-SPAN. CORK, IRELAND. WOW. Who knew I would make it from the dingy, loveable halls of Ranum High School to a country our history books forgot about? …It sounds so cool when I think about it like this, but I really believe anyone can do it...being proactive isn’t easy, but…it makes the extraordinary extraordinarily possible.
The problem I had then, and continue to have in the wake of my Irish dream, is that “I wish I could sit down with someone—anyone—to reflect on the trip
(s) and transition(s)…I love it, and I feel incredibly fortunate, I just wish I could grasp it all.”
I guess this blog was supposed to help me in this endeavor. I’m not sure I will be able to grasp things until I have another moment to breathe amidst a completely new routine. This is probably the blog with the most loose ends, and hardly satisfying of what should be a pretty steady tradition. All I know right now is that the first six months of this past year included the little steps in the process, the springboards into the precipice, that led me into the adventures that far surpassed my expectations. I went into the second six months with strong ideas about my career, my future, my friends; and came back from Ireland with stronger ideas about my life, past, present and future, and all of the people that are and are not within it. My ambitions were both sparked and subdued, slightly altered and more flexible. I still know I want to pursue the career that’s always appealed to me, to work in situations that challenge me. But my dreams are now salted with higher hopes, with more ideas about the choices in front of me. I might be practical and follow a path to a grad school with a masters in a really career-focused field; I might be crazy and apply for Rhodes, for Oxford; I might just plan as far as Up With People, figuring out where in the world I’ll be by 2010.
I now know, from reflecting on the journey so far, that I am capable of participating in and handling amazing adventures, the likes of which are beyond my wildest dreams. The next year is filled with tremendous promise of great adventures right here at home, in regard to politics, journalism, Leader’s Challenge, and the second half of my undergrad career. I’m not certain of anything at the moment, and don’t plan on being certain of it anytime soon; all I know is that I need to grapple with the memories of the past, and learn to balance my sentiments with my present, reconciling the old adventures with new ones, and continuing to find some success where I can.
I also know I wouldn’t be where I am today without a certain few people, those special mentions I like to include in this tradition.
Rande. As always, the love and light of my life; the best friend any human can have. We’ve bonded even more upon your graduation, our successes, and our adventures. You continue to be the person that may be physically separated, but continually bound to me every day existence; the miles have nothing on us! It’s more than wonderful to be by your side, and to know that even an ocean can’t take away what we have.
Sam. I think we’ve continued to grow closer over the past year, picking up right where we left off even after a month or so without contact. Your smile can make my entire day; you are my favorite adventure buddy, and I hope our travels take us to exciting places in 2008. In the meantime, let’s just enjoy Westminster.
Elizabeth. People who studied abroad before told me that they met lifelong friends while they were away from home. I thought it was just a cliché, and then I met you. Ok, we weren’t lifelong friends in the first minute, but four months, I think, sealed the deal. Even if we will never be as close as we were those nights in the Thirsty, those trips, or in walking down the streets of Cork, I will always consider you a special friend…I guess, someone who has changed me for good, if not for the better.
Mom. I didn’t realize I’d miss you so much, and when I did, I knew that I was coming home to a new relationship with you, a special one no one can ever change. You never failed to help me, through tears and frustration even, and you were always there to back me up and make sure the adventures could come. We are faced with a new situation now, one that is somewhat mysterious and scary, but altogether something we can overcome…together.
Holtz. I missed you too, buddy. We weren’t able to be as close this year as in years past, but I think you’re that person with whom I’ll be debriefing a lot of these adventures with…slowly. I’m sure your wit and wisdom won’t fail to guide me, support and inspire me; I also hope that some of what I’ve learned will do the same for you. Even if all of this doesn’t happen, we always have enthymemes…and all of the other things that bond us.
The folks at C-SPAN. For your lessons, fun, and overall support.
My abroad friends, whether Irish or American, for making that adventure one that changed and moved me; thanks for helping me feel at home.
The last two blogs couldn’t have forseen these amazing people, this expanse, this wonder, this adventure, this sentimentality, and I’m sure this blog does not do justice to what I can expect for myself and for my life in 2008. We’ll see. In the meantime, I just hope it’s one for the memory books.
~MJ
No comments:
Post a Comment